Greetings to you, friend! I’m Mack Lyon. The program’s “In Search of the Lord's Way.” Today’s message is the third in a series of four this month by our brother in the Lord, Dr. Phil Sanders, on the general theme of rearing children. All parents and grandparents; well, even we great grandparents will want to hear this one, so stay tuned!
Oh say friend, it’s so good to have you with us today for Bible study “In Search of the Lord's Way;” and this program’s about the Lord’s way of rearing children. This message by our brother in Christ, Phil Sanders, is going to be interesting and helpful, especially, to parents of young children.
The four messages this month about “Raising Faithful Children” are being published in this little book; and it will be offered to you free for the asking to all who are in our radio and television audiences. If you think you would like one of them, please mail your request to “In Search of the Lord's Way;” P.O. Box 371; Edmond, OK 73083, or to searchtv@searchtv.org. Or, you can find it printed, or even in audio form or video on our website at www.searchtv.org. If you like you may use our toll-free telephone number; and that number is 1-800-321-8633. If you would make your request very promptly, at the close of the program today, it would help us estimate the number to have printed. No, no, no; we’re not asking you to send us money; or we’re not offering to sell them to you to keep us on the air. We’re not asking you to enclose a love offering of anything of that kind. They’re free! We’re a ministry for Christ. And we are sponsored here by some members of some churches of Christ in the area that is served by this good station.
You know, of course, well, if you’re new to the program you may not know; ours is a Bible study program, therefore it’s different from others. And today Phil will be beginning the study with a reading of the 127th Psalm, verses one to five. Ken Helterbrand’s going to lead the congregation in singing now and then Phil will be here to read those verses for you.
Our scripture reading today comes from Psalm 127, verses one through five. “Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; unless the LORD guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows; for so He gives His beloved sleep. Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate.” This reading is from the New King James Version. Let’s pray together. O Lord, we are so thankful for our children and for the blessings that they have given to us through the years. And, Father, we pray that you will help us all to be better parents and grandparents through the blessings of our children that you have given to us. This is our prayer in the name of Jesus, our Lord, Amen!
God’s gift of children is such a blessing. We can only be thankful for every son or daughter that God gives us. But children also provide a challenge. The doctors who delivered our children didn’t have an instruction manual. Jackie and I took classes on how to physically care for our children; but, you know, dealing with a child’s spirit and personality is another matter. Like other parents we faced many challenges with our children. They were mischievous sometimes, rebellious sometimes, and little angels at others. We loved them and wanted to give them the very best home we could. We made some mistakes, but the Word of God, the Bible, was our best guide.
Parents have different styles of dealing with their children. You know, some parents believe in being permissive; others think that they ought to dominate their children. Still other parents, unfortunately, neglect their children’s greatest needs. You know, each of these styles of parenting has serious consequences for children. Children do indeed live what they learn; and how parents deal with their children will profoundly influence how a child sees and reacts to life.
Permissive parents tend to be warm and supportive, but they are weak in establishing and enforcing rules and limits for their children. They often allow their children to misbehave without any consequences. We’ve all seen children who were really, really naughty and then had parents who did absolutely nothing to stop their misbehavior. Such a child is a terror. He knows that he can do what he wants and get away with it. He grows to understand that rules and limits are not really firm, and he can bend the rules to suit himself. Unfortunately, because he has never been controlled by his parents, he has a hard time controlling himself. The Bible says in Proverbs 29 and verse 15 that, “The rod and the reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” Again, Proverbs 29, verse 17 says, “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.”
God expects parents to give their children the rules and the limits that they need to keep them from hurting themselves or others. In his final exhortation to the Israelites Moses said, “Take to your heart all the words which I am warning you today, which you shall command your sons to observe carefully, even all the words of this law. For it is not an idle word for you; indeed it is your life” (Deuteronomy 32, verses 46 and 47). My friends, we must teach our children to take the word of God seriously. They will take God seriously when they learn to take you, parents, seriously. This begins early in life.
Perhaps you remember the old priest Eli who had two worthless sons, who didn’t know the Lord. Well, these younger priests took larger portions of meat than they should and they were immoral with women. You remember that Eli said to them, “Oh, why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all the people. No, my sons! It’s not a good report that I hear; the people of the Lord, they are spreading all these things abroad. You know if someone sins against a man, he said, God will mediate for him, but if someone sins against the Lord, who can intercede for him?” But, you know what; they wouldn’t listen to the voice of their father, for it was the will of the Lord to put them to death. (1 Samuel 2, verses 22 to 25).
When children don’t listen to the voice of their parents early in life, they won’t listen to other authorities either. We have to all learn to obey. Tragically some children grow up thinking the rules don’t apply to them. They learn that from their parents. A disobedient child will defy his teachers, the police, his employers, and anyone else who tries to exercise authority over him. The breakdown in authority in our society reflects first of all the breakdown of authority in the home. God says to children, “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3 and verse 20). For the most part, children do not create problems; they reveal them. Parents who cannot discipline themselves usually cannot discipline their children. If a father and mother are not under authority themselves, they cannot exercise authority over others. It is only when parents submit to the Lord that they can exercise a properly balanced spiritual and physical authority over their children. Children, also, are happiest and feel most secure when they have parents who lovingly give them firm rules and guidelines to keep. These children have a greater sense of identity and purpose in life. They see the value in doing what is right. Loving discipline blesses children.
The Bible says in Hebrews 12, verses 5 to 11, “My Son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the LORD, nor faint when you are reproved by Him; for those whom the LORD loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives.” It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they (that is our earthly fathers) disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He (that is God) disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, (the Bible says) afterward it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”
Second, other parents sometimes tend to be too hard on their children without giving them the love and the support that they need. They frequently will give their children unbending rules with no explanation. These children often get punished, and sometimes abused, and they don’t always know why. Some children grow up never able to satisfy their parents. And when parents expect more out of their children than the children are able to do, the child grows up feeling like a failure; and he is small in his own eyes. Well, this harshness either leads the child to withdraw in fear or to rebel against the parent. Some children become so angry at their parents, they reject anything that has to do with the parent. Often that rejection includes their faith. God said through Paul to the Colossians, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart” (Colossians 3 and verse 21). You know, too often parents automatically say no to their children whenever their children are asking for something; and the parents then really should listen carefully and evaluate each request. Parents often change their minds and they create problems for their children, who never know what to expect from their parents. Fathers and mothers should encourage their children, not discourage them. Discouraged children are fair prey for Satan and the world. You see, when a child does not get the love that he needs at home, he is going to seek it elsewhere.
If a home is truly Christian, it’s a place of encouragement. In such a home, the child finds refuge from the battles of life, and he finds the strength to fight those battles and to carry the burdens of just growing up. He finds a loving heart, a watching eye, a listening ear, and a helping hand in his parents. He doesn’t want any other place because home meets his needs. It’s in this kind of home, that it is natural for a child to learn to trust in the Lord Jesus Christ and to want to live for Him.
Third, some parents simply neglect their children. Perhaps the saddest phenomenon of our day is the “absent father.” Four of every ten children born in America are born to unwed mothers, and we have to ask where are the fathers? Many children today don’t even know who their father is. Then there are homes where dad lives there but is unavailable to his children. He is just too busy with his job to have time for his children. A survey in one town, not long ago, indicated that fathers spent only thirty-seven seconds a day with their small sons! Parents, spend time with your children. They need you. Children long to know that their parents, even as busy as they are, have time for them.
What kind of parent ignores his children? The Bible in Proverbs 4, verses 1 through 9 tells us how a parent should teach his children. Listen to the word: “Hear, O sons, the instruction of a father, and give attention that you may gain understanding, for I give you sound teaching; Do not abandon my instruction. When I was a son (the Proverbs’ writer says) I was a son to my father; I was tender and the only son in the sight of my mother; then he taught me and he said to me, ‘Let your heart hold fast my words; Keep my commandments and live; Acquire wisdom! Acquire understanding! Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forget her, and she will guard you; Love her, and she will watch over you. The beginning of wisdom is: Acquire wisdom; and with all your acquiring, get understanding. Prize her, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her. She will place on your head a garland of grace; she will present you with a crown of beauty.’”
Parents, our actions speak louder than our words. When we make time to train our children and help them to grow, they will appreciate it. Children learn values, morals, and priorities by observing how their parents act and how they react to everyday life. If parents show a deep love and respect for God, their children will soak in that spirit. But how can your child know how you love God, if you don’t tell and show them by spending time with them. The greatest blessing you can bestow on your children, parents, is a deep heritage of love and respect for God. So, the best way to raise children is to provide for them a firm but loving Christianity. Provide one that doesn’t bend to the pressures of the world but remains full of love and compassion. A good father says what the Bible says in Proverbs 23 and verse 26, “Give me your heart, my son, and let your eyes delight in my ways.” If you want your children to love you and to love the Lord, you must win their hearts with firm but loving Christianity. And when you love your children and live a model life for them, they will delight in your ways.
Parents need to listen and be patient as their children talk to them. I tell you, a listening ear and a loving heart always go together. I think about the child who said to her father, “You took time to have me, but you won’t take time to listen to me!” Men, your children will evaluate you not on the basis of your ability to “father a child” but on your willingness to raise them. Life is not easy for children, especially Christian children. Their problems might seem small to you, but they are huge to them! Christian parents must listen carefully, and share the feelings and frustrations of their children, pray with them, and seek to encourage them. Make home the happiest place on earth!
Loving and firm parents usually have a clearly defined set of rules and limits that they expect their children to mind. They take the time to tell their children why they make these limits and they give them clear warning when a child has gone too far. They are not afraid to discipline their child appropriately for his misbehavior, because they know the value of discipline. And they also give strong support and encouragement to their children. They show that physical affection and spend time with them. The loving and firm parent provides a healthy and balanced combination of control and compassion.
Now a child who is blessed to have such parents usually listens to his parents and all authorities. He learns to love God and to believe in God. He learns to communicate with his parents and find the help that he needs in difficult times. He knows what is right and wrong and the underlying reasons why; and from this he learns self-control. Oh, it’s true! Loving parents who train their children spiritually have given them the key to a happy and meaningful life. The Bible says in Proverbs 3 and verse 13, “How blessed is the man who finds wisdom and the man who gains understanding. For her profit is better than the profit of silver and her gain better than fine gold. She is more precious than jewels; and nothing you desire compares with her. Long life is in her right hand; and in her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her, and happy are all who hold her fast.”
My friend, believing and loving God is the most important thing in life for you and your children. Give your heart to the Lord, trust him, repent of your sins, confess his name, and be baptized so that your sins will be forgiven. And then live according to God’s Word. The best thing you can do for your children is to live the Christian life. Let’s pray together. O Lord, help each parent to do the very best that he can, to live a good life before his children, and to help them, Father, to know You. In Jesus’ name, Amen!
Thank you, brother Phil, for an excellent message about bringing our children up in the teachings of the Lord. That should be the first priority with all parents, not just for the children’s sake, but for the community and for the country in which those children will be living.
Our first concern for our children would naturally be the best life possible. That would be the Lord’s way. Oh, you’ve heard me say it so many times, haven’t you? We believe that the Lord’s way to live is the best way that’s ever been introduced to the family of man. Try it; I think you’ll like it. Lead your children in living that way. If you have young children, you should set before them the example. Repent and be baptized for the forgiveness of your sin as you read in your Bible in Acts chapter 2, verse 38 that people in New Testament times did it that way. Then live that life before them!
If you would like a free copy of these messages this month, do it now. Make your request by telephone right now. We’ll even pay for the call. The number is 1-800-321-8633. Or you may e-mail us at searchtv@searchtv.org. Our regular mailing address is In Search of the Lord's Way; P.O. Box 371; Edmond, OK 73083. You may read it, hear it or view it again and much, much more on our website at www.searchtv.org. We’re presented here by some Christians, members of some churches of Christ in the area, who would really love to have you attend Bible study and worship with them. We’d like that, too. I hope you will do it at your first opportunity. God bless you now. We love you.
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